


Sharks

by Kiitsuo



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Anxiety, Coming Out, Developing Relationship, Future Fic, I mean I guess since a major development happens? idk, Insecurity, M/M, Period talk, Trans Male Character, Trans Yuri Plisetsky, Yuri is 18, Yuuri is 26, also available in Portuguese!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-12
Updated: 2017-06-12
Packaged: 2018-11-13 06:18:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,252
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11178837
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kiitsuo/pseuds/Kiitsuo
Summary: Yuri had plans to come out to Yuuri, eventually at least, but such things rarely go as planned.





	Sharks

**Author's Note:**

> This idea has been stewing in my brain for a while, but I've now just gathered the courage to write and share this. >.> I figured it's Pride Month so...why not?
> 
> Please understand this is loosely based off of my own experiences.
> 
> Portuguese translation: http://archiveofourown.org/works/11220102

Yuri had a secret, one that he never dared speak of. He kept it well guarded, even more well guarded than his oh so secret more than friendly feelings for a certain Japanese figure skater. Such secrets he never planned to tell, he’d take them to the grave he always figured, but things don't always go as planned. Accidentally confessing his long harbored crush to Yuuri while they were thousands of miles apart from each other? Yuri hadn’t planned that. And he certainly wasn't expecting Yuuri to reciprocate his feelings and to end up in a long distance relationship with him over the course of the course the next few weeks. Really, the fact they were now a little over half a year into a relationship was the only reason why Yuri would spill his closely guarded secret to him. Under no other circumstances would he even dream of letting the cat out of the bag so to speak.

Yet every time he wanted to tell him the nature of the beast, it just simply wasn't the right time. And sometimes, Yuri would just outright forget it was an issue. He lived as male, he passed as male (for the most part anyway), his paperwork? Well, Yuuri didn't have to look at that and he competed in men's, didn't he? Surely his absent mindedness in forgetting to inform Yuuri about what he had (or didn't have) in his pants could be forgiven. It's not like anyone else knew, and it's not like he wanted anyone to know or that anyone had to know. Not to mention, the excitement of having four years worth of pent up romantic attraction actually be returned is enough to make anyone forget such a small, minor detail, right? And to his credit, he had  _ plans _ to tell Yuuri. He just thought such a conversation of, “Hey, I know we are dating but there's something important that I forgot to mention. I'm actually transgender so I probably don't have quite the anatomy you are expecting and I come loaded with gender related emotional baggage that you probably don't wanna deal with, but we’re cool, right?” is better suited for face to face, rather than text message, phone call, or video chat, or so Yuri told himself. Him? Procrastinating on telling? Nonsense.

He’d tell Yuuri the next time they’d see each other in person for skating. That was his final decision, his ultimatum to himself. He would tell him after the Grand Prix Final. That way if Yuuri wanted to break up with him, he'd have the entire offseason to get over it. Not to mention, Yuri refused to be broken up with before he got any in person, real life cuddles and kisses, damnit. 

But now, he has regrets. Oh boy does he have regrets. He’s stuck in a hotel bathroom in a foreign city staring at the crime scene in his underwear with the utmost horror. Shit. Why does he  _ always _ forget this happens? Maybe he's lucky, maybe he didn't bleed through to his jeans so he could sneakily go to the store without changing. But oh, what is he saying. Of  _ course _ he did. It's the curse of having a heavy flow! Every month this happens, every month he's caught unaware and his pants ruined without fail. Pads and tampons? Him remember to pack them? Utter nonsense. He never remembered to. He hadn't remembered to ever since he moved out of his grandpa’s home, and only then did he remember because good ol’ grandpa Plisetsky would remind him like the kind soul he is. 

Yuuri knocks on the door. “Yuri? Are you okay? You’ve been in there for a while.” 

“I’m fine!” Yuri barks out.  _ Shit _ . What the hell was he supposed to do in this situation? Perhaps he could do what he normally did, which was to wear his shittiest black sweatpants, shove copious amounts of toilet paper in his underwear, and wander about until he found a store. That’s so suspicious though, and Yuuri would definitely raise questions. Ugh, this was the worst. This is definitely not what he had planned at all. 

Yuri sits on the toilet, heart racing in panic over the dilemma he’d gotten himself into and how he could weasel himself out of it. He really, really doesn’t want to wander around a strange city by himself as he bleeds his weight in bodily fluid junk, and he really doesn’t want to lie to Yuuri either. He should have told him a long time ago, like in the beginning of their relationship or even while they were discussing the nature of their feelings and what it meant for them. Only now was the weight of his mistake is sinking in. 

Yuri Plisetsky was utterly screwed.

Unless...he asked Yuuri to get tampons for him? He could kill two birds with one stone then, but he planned to wait until after Finals to drop the bomb. That way if things took a turn for the worse, he’d have time to throw himself a private, one man pity party and not have to see Yuuri’s ugly face around while he did so. 

“Are you sure you’re okay? Do you need anything?” Yuuri asks again as more minutes crawl by. Yuri’s starting to feel utterly desperate by this time, so he takes a deep breath, and he figures he may as well rip the bandaid off all at once. 

Yuri cracks open the door and peeks his head out. “Hey, Katsudon. Be good boyfriend for me and go to the store and buy me some tampons.”

“Eh? What do you need those for?” Yuuri asks, utterly confused by Yuri’s strange request. 

He huffs. “What do you think I need them for, you moron? Go to the store and get me some! I swear I’ll explain everything when you get back, okay?!”

Maybe calling him a moron wasn't the best thing to do, and he didn't plan on that either. Why must he be like this? Why can't things ever go as planned?

“I don’t know the first thing about tampons!” Yuuri cries out, “What kind do you need?”

“Oh my god I don’t care what kind you get. Just get me  _ something _ . If you get something useless, it’ll at least get me to the store so I can buy the right ones. Just hurry up and go!”

“O-okay! Hang on, okay? I’ll be back soon!” 

And with that, Yuuri is gone and Yuri is stuck, left to deal with an onslaught of anxiety. 

This totally isn’t how he wanted to come out to Yuuri at all. Oh well, what’s done is done, and if Yuuri breaks up with him over this, then so be it. At least he got his cuddles and his kisses. And maybe being broken up with while there’s a lot going on to distract him wouldn’t be such a bad thing…

As Yuri’s left to stew in his thoughts, a wave of guilt hits him for even feeling like he has to mentally prepare for a messy break up. Yuuri is kind and understanding and  _ patient _ , so very patient. Yuri has faith that he won't hate him over this, he really does. He has faith this won't dissolve their relationship into nothing, or mutate it into something unsalvageable and unrecognizable. But...people can get weird about such things. He’s trans, he’s heard the stories, he’s not naive. Sometimes faith just isn’t enough, and yet, it’s all he can have. So he clings onto the tiny fabric of hope that Yuuri won’t be weirded out, or hate him, or be repulsed by his misaligned body, or even be pissed that he kept it a secret all these months.

Man, he really wishes Yuuri would get back soon. He’s not sure if it’s the hormones, the feeling of dread, or a concoction of both, but Yuri really wants to be held right now.  

When he hears the sound of the door opening, Yuri breathes a sigh of relief.

“I’m back! Here, open the door so I can give them to you.” Yuri hears after what feels like a decade, and Yuuri’s voice sounds like angels calling. Yuri cracks open the door and Yuuri hands him a plastic shopping bag. 

“Thanks,” he mumbles, avoiding eye contact with Yuuri as he takes the bag.

Goodness, how many packages of period product did Yuuri buy? It seems there’s something of everything in this bag. Pads, tampons, heavy flow, light flow, extra comfort, overnight...really it’s a bit overkill and overwhelming. But surely this was a good sign? That Yuuri still cared about him even though he was just about to drop the biggest plot twist of the century on him? I mean...if he didn’t care he wouldn’t have bought all kinds of random things to make sure Yuri was comfortable...right? If he was about to break up with him over such a thing, he probably would have just grabbed whatever and called it a day...right?

Ugh, whatever. Yuri really needs to get out and face Yuuri now. He grabs a tampon, concludes his business, and is finally free of bathroom prison. 

When Yuuri sees that Yuri is finally out of the bathroom, he immediately says, “Sorry I took so long! I wasn’t sure what to get. I hope there was something useful in there.”

“No, no. It’s fine,” Yuri reassures, “What you got was fine. I’ll be good for a while.” He’s still avoiding eye contact with him.

“Oh that’s good, I’m relieved.” Yuuri says as he digs through another bag, “Here, I also got you painkillers and chocolate. I don’t know if it’s true or not, but my sister always said that chocolate helps, and I know cramps are a thing.”

Yuri nervously plays with the edge of his t-shirt, tugging slightly at the fabric and wrapping it around his fingers. “Yeah um, thanks for that…” All he can do is look down at his feet, look anywhere but at Yuuri. He doesn’t even know if Yuuri is looking at him. The last thing he wants is to see his boyfriend giving him any kind of weird, confused look.

Neither of them are exactly saying anything, and Yuri can feel the awkwardness of the situation suffocating him. He wants to say it, just blurt out the words, “Yuuri, I’m transgender. I wasn’t born a boy.” He wants to blurt out an apology for being secretive, for not telling him straight away. There’s so many things he wants to say, but the words feel like rocks lodged in his throat and all he can do is choke on them.

Really, it’s stupid that he’s so scared. Yuuri went above and beyond in dealing with this little surprise period escapade. He wouldn’t buy him expensive pads and tampons, wouldn’t buy him painkillers and chocolate if he was about to break up with him over such a thing...right?

But god, what if Yuuri thinks he’s a girl now? Will refuse to see him as a boy now? He doesn’t mind of Yuuri is ignorant or doesn’t understand, but please, he doesn’t want to be thought of as a girl. He’d break off the relationship his damn self should it come to that.

It’s Yuuri who breaks the silence. He gently grabs both of Yuri’s hands to get his attention. “Hey, Yuri. I have a question to ask you,” He says. His voice sounds calm, and a bit meek, as if he’s encroaching forbidden territory. 

“Then spit it out already,” Yuri says back, although his voice lacks its usual bite. He’s looking down at their hands, and gently squeezes when Yuuri starts running his thumb along his.

“Are you…” Yuuri pauses for a moment to collect his thoughts, or maybe even his courage, “Are you trans?”

If Yuri wasn’t already giving Yuuri his undivided attention, he certainly was now. For the first time since his solitary confinement in the bathroom, he’s actually looking at Yuuri now, staring at him even, wide eyed and in shock. 

“Why? Is it that obvious? Do you hate me now or something?” 

The minute Yuri sees panic flash across Yuuri’s eyes, he feels guilty. 

“No! Not at all!” Yuuri yells out as he squeezes both of Yuri’s hands before pulling him into a hug, “I don’t hate you because of that! Why would you say something like that?” 

The rocks are back, lodged firmly in Yuri’s throat as he slowly returns Yuuri’s hug. “Because...people treat us like we’re some kind of freaks or something. We’re weird, we’re not right in the head, we’re sick.”

Yuri’s words only make Yuuri hold him tighter, and Yuri feels as if he could melt into the embrace. “Oh, Yuri... I don’t understand what it’s like, I know I can’t, but please know I don’t think that at alll. I care about you. You’re my boyfriend and my friend, and I want you to feel comfortable, okay?” 

Emotions aren’t Yuri’s strong suit, and he feels at a loss of what to say. Relief floods through his body, but it leaves him feeling weak and paralyzed. He hides his face in the crook of Yuuri’s neck and just nods and prays that Yuuri understands what he wants to convey. 

Yuuri sits down along the edge of the bed with Yuri still clinging onto him. “And it’s not obvious that you’re trans, so don’t worry. I actually had no idea, even after you asked me to go the store for you. I was so confused, but it hit me while I was walking back to the hotel.”

“I’m sorry,” Yuri mumbles into Yuuri’s neck. 

“For what?”

“Where do you want me to begin? Keeping it a secret, not telling you right away, springing this on you in the worst way possible. Really…I should have told you before we started going out.” He pauses and adjusts himself to look at Yuuri. “But I was scared to.”

Admitting his fear leaves him feeling vulnerable and naked, as if he’s giving Yuuri permission to hurt him and catch him off guard. Yuuri wouldn’t hurt him, he would never, but he still can’t shake the paranoia that comes with signing over your secrets to someone you hold dear.

“I planned to tell you in the beginning, I really did. But I was scared you would break up with me before we even got to see each other again, and like hell was I going to be broken up with before I got to see you in person, especially not after I spent the last four years of my life hiding my feelings from you.” 

He pauses to collect his thoughts, and Yuuri patiently waits.

“And then I figured, maybe it’s not a big deal. Maybe I don’t have to tell you. No one in the skating world knows, except Yakov and Lilia. The only people outside of the skating world who know is my Grandpa and my deadbeat family. That honestly seemed like the best option, to just never tell you, especially considering we are mostly long distance…” Yuri looks away, as if he’s ashamed he just admitted his desire to never let Yuuri know, “But the closer we got to actually seeing each other again, I realized that wouldn’t be good. I haven’t had surgery yet, it’s obvious. I mean i’m lucky i’m small, and I can bind with just a heavy duty sports bra, so you can’t tell by looking at me or when i’m skating, but if we were to do anything...you’d know.”

Yuuri stays quiet, as if he’s waiting for Yuri to let him know he’s done saying his part. The last thing he wants to do is interrupt him before he gets everything off his chest. 

Yuri takes Yuuri’s silence as permission to keep speaking. “And plus, I don’t want to keep lying to you. I don’t want to keep secrets from you. When you accepted my feelings, you accepted them from a boy, not a confused girl trying to be a boy.” 

He wasn’t planning on interrupting Yuri, but Yuuri feels it would now be an appropriate time to interrupt. “Do you think you’re confused?”

Yuri’s expression turns into a scowl. “Fuck no, I’m not confused. Everyone else is confused, which is why it’s easier to just not say anything.”

“Do you think I’m confused?”

The question catches Yuri off guard, and he shifts uncomfortably next to Yuuri. “I don’t know. Are you? I mean if you are I guess I could answer your questions...I mean you don’t seem to be judging me and you seem to be pretty okay with the idea of this.”

“As far as I’m concerned, I’m dating a another guy. When we met all those years ago, you were a guy. You were always a guy to me. This doesn’t change anything. Maybe I don’t fully understand, maybe I’ll say the wrong thing by mistake, but I don’t see you as a confused girl trying to be a boy. You always were a boy to me, and you will continue to be one to me.” He has no idea if that was the right thing to say, or if that was comforting at all to Yuri. He certainly hopes, because the last thing he wants to do is say something callous when Yuri is trusting him with something as personal as this.

“You’re not as confused as I thought you would be, and you’re taking this a lot better than I thought you would.” Really, now Yuri feels like an ass for assuming the worst out of Yuri. 

“I used to be confused, but my roommate before Phichit was also trans. He taught me a lot.”

“Oh, good,” Yuri says as he leans into Yuuri’s shoulder, “I should thank him for doing the obnoxious part for me. I hate dealing with people’s questions and stupid confused faces..” He pauses for a moment, and panics slightly. “But I would  _ happily _ deal with your questions and stupid confused face…”

“I can’t tell if you’re being sarcastic or not.” He can’t help but laugh slightly. Out of what? Nervousness? Mild amusement? He doesn’t know. 

“No! Would you believe that I’m not being sarcastic for once?” He ends up laughing too. “I mean it! If you have questions or don’t get anything, you’re the one person I wouldn’t mind answering to, so you better feel special!” 

Yuri’s laughter is music to Yuuri’s ears. After seeing him look so solemn and anxious the entire discussion, he’s glad to hear the relief in his voice. “Oh, trust me. I feel very special.”

“Good, you better feel special,” he purrs as he crawls into Yuuri’s lap and kisses the tip of his nose. “You’re really okay with this?”

“More than okay with this.” 

“Also, one final thing,” he says, voice lowering to a stern whisper, “Don’t tell a soul about this. I swear to god, if you tell anyone, I will come to Japan and personally bleed all over everything you love.”

Oh, what a Yuri thing to say after all this is said and done. It brings a smile to his face.

“I wouldn’t dream of it. Your secret is safe with me. Please don’t come to my house and bleed all over everything I love, okay? Promise?” He even gives Yuri a kiss for good measure, for extra pleading, and he smiles when Yuri kisses him back.

“I promise.”

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Come say hi to me on tumblr~ Yuriyuu.tumblr.com


End file.
